Friday, May 20, 2011

The guy who married his GPS

Abhimanyu or as his frieds call him Abhi is a 5 foot 4 inch tall(he thinks so) decent looking guy. He recently finished his masters in electrical engineering from UPenn and works as a Game Developer in Newark,Delaware.As a kid he hated chocolates and ate chalk pieces and now he loves long drives but hates technology. So he is a close friend of Google Maps and no relative to IPhones.Everytime he drives to Jersey he ends up in Time Square and on his way back he ends up half way to the White House. Misses destinations just by a few 100 miles. He strictly used to follow his three step KBC (Indian Version of the Millionaire) philosophy in this order.
50-50 - If you miss an exit, takes the next one and instead of heading back like everyone else just keeps going and you will reach your destination sooner or later.
Ask the Audience - People at the Gas Stations and Service Areas.
Phone a friend - And finally call our friends who have nothing to do on weekends and desperately waiting for our phone call to get on to the internet and navigate us out from where we are to where we should be.
But never become a slave to the technology.
It is this philosophy and determination that helped him conquer the remotest places on the east coast which were tough to find on Google maps. Things were very similar on the personal front as he rejected a few and many have rejected him during the wedding date and interview process. Some failed at the technical (Girl) and some in the HR (Girls Family) with both face to face and telephonic interviews. His requirements were simple(He thinks so).
1) If i speak rashly in anger she should not complain.
2) If i drank too much she can warn me but should never ask to quit.
3) She should be good at singing and should sing all my favorite songs.
4) When i am watching TV she should not switch the channels.
While some felt those were crazy requirements, some felt he was. Colleagues gossiped - "He was soft outside and psycho inside”. Having enough of Abhi and not wanting him to bug them on the weekends for directions, Kelly one of his colleagues gifted him her old GPS on his thirty first birthday. He rarely missed an exit and never visited New York or Washington DC again and everyone was relieved.
As months passed by, with confidence on one beautiful sunny day Abhi drove his friends visiting from Texas to Niagara Falls. Racing through the scenic locations as the American Falls was closing in they were all excited to see the falls for the first time.Abhi hit the brakes so hard that Jay sitting in the back seat came flying in between the two front seats and crashed on to the dashboard so hard that all the six Disks in the CD player ejected one after the other.Infront of them was a huge wall and the GPS proclaimed - "You Have Arrived". Embarrased, Abhi had to fall back to the phone a fiend option. He later got to know that the maps on his used GPS were not up to date and got them updated. On the other hand he received a confirmation from the wedding vendors association that the last ship has just left and he need not worry about the interviews and getting married anymore.
A year faded by in desperation - Late night after a very long work day and a frustrating phone call with parents Abhi switched on his GPS and was amazed to find the "Take Me Home" option. Relieved he hit the button and cruised through. After an hour he realized that it is taking more than the usual which is fifteen minutes to reach home. It was taking him to Kelly’s house and not his as he never updated the home address nor is the GPS Artificially Intelligent. Cursing himself he applied the brakes and made a immediate U turn .After half a mile he could see light coming in the opposite direction. Strangely the cars on the other side of the road were driving in the same direction as Abhi.As he drove a little further the light grew bigger. And within a few seconds shocked and stunned he pulled on to the emergency lane as a truck honking in the opposite direction missed him by inches. The U turn he made was an exit out of the highway and he was heading against the traffic. Petrified,he stayed on the shoulder for the next one hour and that near death experience triggered some life changing thoughts on his mind. He slowly reached home and ordered for the best of the Voice Enabled GPS in the market.
1) As he fell in love with its female voice-On his command, it used to take him where ever he wants and never complained. It knew the speed limits on every highway and used to warn him when he is over the limit.
2) Using its inbuilt Blood Alcohol Content Analyzer it  used Abhis breath to check and warn if he is over drunk.
Abhi named her Angelina. He was furious if someone referred to it as 'it' and not as her or Angelina.
3) As she used to play all the songs from his favorite playlist in the car, he carried her to his desk and made her watch him coding.
4)At home he used to make her sit next to him on the couch while watching TV and talk all night as she never asked him to change the channel.
Soon he was convinced that she meets all his soul-mate criteria. On a rainy afternoon he took her to her favorite restaurant and after an intimate chat, with great difficulty he proposed her. And like with everything else she dint say no.
Rejoiced he called his parents and informed them that he is getting married to Angelina. They thought that it was some American at work. That weekend he flew to Vegas with his bride and got married. After his royal bachelor party, it took his friends months and family years to get out of the hangover .But they were happy as they knew no human would fit in to his requirements.
Abhi and Angi lived happily ever after!